I have been diagnosed with so many types of depression, personality disorders, chemical imbalances, poor attitude, manic depression, situational depression, anxiety disorders, P.T.S.D. O.C.D. , and many other types or twists of diagnoses the one that seems right is Chronic Depression with S.A.D. tendencies and anxiety. I wrote my first suicide note when I was seven, I wrote “I hate life I wish I was dead”. I wrote it in crayon on the back of a simple kids puzzle broke it up and placed the pieces in the box, looked and found my mom I told her there is a message for you in here and handed it to her. 7 but couldn’t express myself. I couldn’t explain my feelings, I didn’t understand them, I was just so unhappy but didn’t know why. I thought everyone felt like me, and they hid it.
At 15, I jumped in front of a car on purpose and got bumped up a little and then stood up to walk away and got balled out by the driver of the car. I finally decided to get help but not until a failed attempt on my life… It was after my daughter was a year old and I had a failed marriage that was only 7 weeks long. I brought my year old daughter to my parents and walked out with a bottle of T1′s a 2 liter bottle of coke with some pop dumped to be replaced it with rum, walked to a park, took the pills and washed it down with almost half of the mix in the bottle … needless to say I threw it up and drowned my sorrow with more booze from the bottle then staggered home crying and now drunk. Then after fighting for hours with mother about what was going on with me I gave in for help, she brought me to hospital where I finally cooperated with my parents and spoke to a doctor, I was admitted the first time 7 weeks, I was put on lithium gained way too much weight, so my depression became worse because of my low self esteem became total lack of self esteem, I was put on all sorts of medications but never felt any good. I haven’t made it through a winter without being admitted into a pyschriactic ward every year since that first time.
I believe it was the summer 2006 or was it 2007 I fell down a wooden flight of stairs, I now have a bone fragment lodged between my sacrum and tailbone two of my disques are completely disintegrated now I have chronic pain in my back and my sciatic is pinched and there is an almost crippling pain that shots down my leg. More and more I am finding less and less reasons to even move, let alone get out of bed. Now as for my weight has been up to 220 and down to 100. My weight is down but I got this horrible sack of skin around my midsection. My daughter is now 25 years old. I went to Florida for 10 days January 2011. When I came home I crawled into bed and stayed there the only place I go is for nerve blocks on Mondays every week. I imagine everyday about a way I could end my life, I have had different plans to accomplish the task of ending my life. but then I become overwhelmed with guilt. I thought I would make sure the last thing to do to make it easier on everyone that I make sure the last encounter that I have with a loved one is a very happy then I can do it. this past October I was hit by a car it was slow but he hurt me pretty bad, this time I didn’t jump in front of it I was holding traffic while my husband was backing a trailer into the driveway this guy went though the intersection while everyone waited when light turned green stopped in front of me then pushed me down he rolled slowly while I was trying to roll out from under the car. There was absolutely no where he could go anywhere the is a meridian island in middle of road and the trailer was blocking the roads northbound lanes, yet he continued pushing me down blowing his horn. I had to tell my story because people should know they are not alone. The only time I was truly happy it was when I was pregnant. I wish a doctor would be willing to try hormones, I sincerely believe that hormones would do something for me especially since I am starting menopause.
If you need help it is out there, don’t let it get to the point that you are over the edge and see nowhere but down. If you know you symptoms and know the pattern that you depression follows, as soon as you see the first signs of an episode tell someone you trust so if they see you aren’t coping they can get you help, also someone who knows you and knows you patterns can help you by spending more time with you if possible and help you ride out the storms of depression. Don’t feel like a failure if you need that extra help by being admitted to a mental health facility.
Well they keep changing the numbers but last I heard 1 in 5 women suffer from some type of depression, so I am not alone and NEITHER ARE YOU!!!!.

No related posts.

My name on facebook is bird pithisis and I have been battling depression since I was around 6 years old and still today I am battling and have tried commmitting suicide when I was around 16 or 17, my depression is so bad that I cry sometimes out of nowhere it hurts inside I wanna cry while writing this ,there are tears filling in my eyes as I type now but I wanna talk about it now because I do not want to do anything to myself because of the people around me love me but I can’t stop it, I am 34 years old I am single and have no kids and have trouble’s holding onto a Job and drink when I can and smoke marijuana But not as much as I want to… Plus it hurts my relationships in a way that it makes me think that they do not care enough for me… I always feel that no one cares enough for me I have been raised in a residential school and hae always looked up to my brother and I love him for that, but when we drink we do not get along and I sometimes cry to him and tells me to forgive… But it is hard to forgive!!! Still today I cannot get myself to forgive, I wanna forgive but I can’t, this really hurts me… I wanna forgive I really do and I wanna be happy for once… I can’t keep going on like the way I am.

No related posts.

I am currently 15 years old. I just started highschool in the fall. I went into highschool feeling great, knowing I had many friends, I’ll keep up my 87 average and thought i’d get onto every sports team I tried. well I was wrong. now I have no one except for myself. I am so depressed i don’t sleep at night anymore. what I do instead is research supporting articles on why were all here. my best friend left me for other girls she makes fun of me every day getting everyone to gang up on me. all of my friends have either joined in with her or just ignored it and quit communicating with me in general. my grade have dropped and I can barely pass my math class. I can’t keep concentrated anymore I can barely keep my eyes open for the entire class. and for the sports teams i was cut off each one. I wish I could discuss this problem with my parents but the only problem is my sister is depressed and I really don’t want to put my parents through this situation once again. I could talk with my boyfriend about it but instead I feel guilty. when thinking I want to kill myself i feel sick it feels like it’s all I can do. the only person I can speak to is my boyfriend and I feel bad crying to him every day and night. I guess I’m just gonna be alone forever and have to move on with the fact that I no longer have friends anymore. because I have completely given up on hope.

No related posts.

How many of you out there have really been depressed since you were children. When I was 7-9 years old, I was molested by a family friend. Since that time I have spent my life self medicating with alchohol, Weed and Vicodin. For several years I was a coke and meth addict. Life sucks, and nobody effin’ cares. I’ve been married for 20 years and don’t have any idea how my wife puts up with my negativity. Why does it feel like life is only about responsibility and the you Die.
My daily prayer, “Let me be grateful, that I may feel Joy.

Related posts:

1. nicole
2. Why am i always sad
3. Life’s A Wonderful Thing

my child hood like many others i did not have one. at the age of 22 with a 5 month little boy i found my self not able to smile or laugh, with having a mother that has problems and left her kids at a young age for drugs and a boyfreind that ive never seen with out a drink in his hand and no famliy left, all i have is my husben and son stuck in my house and just haveing a doctor kill my unborn kid and almost my self im now on anti depression pills after haveing depression for ten years with no help just trying to get through on my own wasnt working and as i put it my brain broke. any tips on how to see the good in life when you clouded in pain and anger help would be nice i hope to get better and give my son and family have the life non of us had

No related posts.

Since mygrandfather passed away in 2009 have put up a wall to stop the hurt and just did what seem right in my brain but not in my heart. At one point I looked happy but deep down I wasn’t. I would have sex just to feel needed, but then one day a guy cam into my life and put down my wall. then when i told him i was falling for him he said he rather concentrate on his daughter and his career rather to be with me then things went down hill, my mother had a car accident , my grandfather passed away, my parent got divorce, my uncle in and out of the hospital my bilogical father got an heart attack and i’m going threw all this alone. and everyone around me had kids this year and engage. school is going good but i know i could do better. work is okay. my step father whish is the one who raised me and i’m his little girl found out this year he has heart problem. i notice he is going threw depression also. so he now smoke more pot and now do cokaine. he also is dating his brother recent exwife that he could never stand and he is always so negative. when i think of him it feels like he is drowning and pulling me with him because i am the only family member that still talks to him. my bolygical father never wanted and never bother with me so now it feels like i’m fighting for god knows what. me and my mother use to have such a good relationship but now i cant stand her and we constantly fight. i know i’m hurting her but she walks in the house and i cringe. my best friend just recently told me i’m an insecure slut because i slept around with 2 different guys around chrismat time. that made me feel like shit. she says i always point the finger to other and ya she is partly right but i really never ddealth with my bio father not wanting me, getting rape in 2005 and loosing my grandfather in 2009 or the one in 2010. please help me. i hate going to see a cousclor, i feel like i dont open up enough. i feel better writting than being face to face. please help me. i’m at the poit where i do see i need help and i’m pushing away my family and friends.

No related posts.

Im 22 years old with two beautiful little girls. I have a caring loving husband and a beautiful farm that we bought two summers ago. My 2nd daughter was born in May 2012 and before that I was a Happy individual who loved to laugh and think of new Ideas to do on are farm and I loved to read and play with my daughter, 1 month after my little angel was born I became sick I was supposed to stay in bed but found it impossible too do that because I was all alone on the farm with my two girls and my husband worked full time in town which from March to September is the busy season which includes 12 hour days. I ended up needing surgery which was not fun especially afterwards when I was alone with my girls and all the responsiblity of house chores and yard maintenance and farm chores and paying bills and then my husband got some kind of heat stroke therefore he was stuck in bed for 2 weeks which added more stress on my shoulders. Im not sure of the exact day my depression started but I remember the day I looked out the window in August and the grass had no colour it was just gray and boring the sky was not blue anymore it was also grey and ugly. I found no ecxitment in being outside and doing things I was tired and just wanted to do nothing. My baby cried all the time, I never got to have a full nights sleep, I had anxiety that she would stop breathing in her sleep therefore I was up every 30 minutes checking on her. I no longer had control of my emotions and feelings, I started becoming extreamly forgetful and dizzy, I had headaches and stomach aches, I felt like I was in nightmare and I could not snap out of in….nothing felt real anymore. I thought I was loosing my mind. My symptoms progressively got worse so I went to the doctor who put me on medication, she said i would it would take some time to feel like my old self, I’ve been on this medication for 2 months, I no longer feel like Im in a dream I can focus on things again and I’m begining to want to do my old hobbies again. I sleep like a baby at night….until my daughter wakes me up ofcourse. I still feel sad and wake up in the morning with the feeling like a have a major hang over but I am definetly feeling like im heading in the right direction to getting my life and my happy self back. Wow did It feel great to get all of that off my shoulders.

I wish depression did not exist and I pray that everyone out there with depression keeps focused on getting well….which means taking it one day at a time.

No related posts.

im a 16 year old girl who lost her father a year ago. i live with a brother who suffers from bipolar depression his moods switch on to me so im not too sure if im also depressed. my father was my bestfriend and i lost him.. he was everything to me and still will always be. theres this constand pain in my heart and it hurts i feel like im hurting so much the tears still have no problem falling. if i see a father and daughter together i cringe and cry and just strike with sadness and jealous because i lost the one man i could count on forever. he was young and it hurt and it was sudden. i was alone and he had a heart attack i feel sad because i didnt go with him to the hospital he told me to stay behind and i listened. i felt i should have gone, i felt he needed someone to hold his hand he had no one but me and i didnt even stand by his side. i didnt get to say i love you, all i got was the cops back at my door beating around the bush about my fathers death. and to top it all off they told me that there was a chance he’d be alive, then told me he died then he was alive again and then finally announced as dead. why dont you kill my sprite even more.. what should i do? i still feel happy and find i can keep my mind off things but am i depressed?

Related posts:

1. Ready to have nervous breakdown
2. My Relationships

I have depression bad, i cant seem to get it together and its ruding my family bad. im angry for no reason and i hate to talk to people i just want to be alone all the time and it hurts, i cry everyday of the week, my husband and i fuss everyday because of it I NEED HELP NOW before i lose my family. how can i find a doctor?

No related posts.

I find that after a lifetime of chasing FREE ,free dreams ,that life was a big waste of time.My dreams will never and can never come true. I know there is no end to the rainbow. I know there is no pot of gold. The best that can happen to you is die before you get old. I know that everyone on earth is a liar,its nature . After a whole life I know that being happy is something you see on TV and never find anyone who knows it personally. Being alone in a dark place is the most satisfaction I ever get. Death can only be a pleasure the way I see it. Even whe I visited church ,I found too many phony liars who told everyone things were great. Don’t need those people in my life . I only need a true speaking companion who loves a wild exciting life.

No related posts.