my child hood like many others i did not have one. at the age of 22 with a 5 month little boy i found my self not able to smile or laugh, with having a mother that has problems and left her kids at a young age for drugs and a boyfreind that ive never seen with out a drink in his hand and no famliy left, all i have is my husben and son stuck in my house and just haveing a doctor kill my unborn kid and almost my self im now on anti depression pills after haveing depression for ten years with no help just trying to get through on my own wasnt working and as i put it my brain broke. any tips on how to see the good in life when you clouded in pain and anger help would be nice i hope to get better and give my son and family have the life non of us had

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Since mygrandfather passed away in 2009 have put up a wall to stop the hurt and just did what seem right in my brain but not in my heart. At one point I looked happy but deep down I wasn’t. I would have sex just to feel needed, but then one day a guy cam into my life and put down my wall. then when i told him i was falling for him he said he rather concentrate on his daughter and his career rather to be with me then things went down hill, my mother had a car accident , my grandfather passed away, my parent got divorce, my uncle in and out of the hospital my bilogical father got an heart attack and i’m going threw all this alone. and everyone around me had kids this year and engage. school is going good but i know i could do better. work is okay. my step father whish is the one who raised me and i’m his little girl found out this year he has heart problem. i notice he is going threw depression also. so he now smoke more pot and now do cokaine. he also is dating his brother recent exwife that he could never stand and he is always so negative. when i think of him it feels like he is drowning and pulling me with him because i am the only family member that still talks to him. my bolygical father never wanted and never bother with me so now it feels like i’m fighting for god knows what. me and my mother use to have such a good relationship but now i cant stand her and we constantly fight. i know i’m hurting her but she walks in the house and i cringe. my best friend just recently told me i’m an insecure slut because i slept around with 2 different guys around chrismat time. that made me feel like shit. she says i always point the finger to other and ya she is partly right but i really never ddealth with my bio father not wanting me, getting rape in 2005 and loosing my grandfather in 2009 or the one in 2010. please help me. i hate going to see a cousclor, i feel like i dont open up enough. i feel better writting than being face to face. please help me. i’m at the poit where i do see i need help and i’m pushing away my family and friends.

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Im 22 years old with two beautiful little girls. I have a caring loving husband and a beautiful farm that we bought two summers ago. My 2nd daughter was born in May 2012 and before that I was a Happy individual who loved to laugh and think of new Ideas to do on are farm and I loved to read and play with my daughter, 1 month after my little angel was born I became sick I was supposed to stay in bed but found it impossible too do that because I was all alone on the farm with my two girls and my husband worked full time in town which from March to September is the busy season which includes 12 hour days. I ended up needing surgery which was not fun especially afterwards when I was alone with my girls and all the responsiblity of house chores and yard maintenance and farm chores and paying bills and then my husband got some kind of heat stroke therefore he was stuck in bed for 2 weeks which added more stress on my shoulders. Im not sure of the exact day my depression started but I remember the day I looked out the window in August and the grass had no colour it was just gray and boring the sky was not blue anymore it was also grey and ugly. I found no ecxitment in being outside and doing things I was tired and just wanted to do nothing. My baby cried all the time, I never got to have a full nights sleep, I had anxiety that she would stop breathing in her sleep therefore I was up every 30 minutes checking on her. I no longer had control of my emotions and feelings, I started becoming extreamly forgetful and dizzy, I had headaches and stomach aches, I felt like I was in nightmare and I could not snap out of in….nothing felt real anymore. I thought I was loosing my mind. My symptoms progressively got worse so I went to the doctor who put me on medication, she said i would it would take some time to feel like my old self, I’ve been on this medication for 2 months, I no longer feel like Im in a dream I can focus on things again and I’m begining to want to do my old hobbies again. I sleep like a baby at night….until my daughter wakes me up ofcourse. I still feel sad and wake up in the morning with the feeling like a have a major hang over but I am definetly feeling like im heading in the right direction to getting my life and my happy self back. Wow did It feel great to get all of that off my shoulders.

I wish depression did not exist and I pray that everyone out there with depression keeps focused on getting well….which means taking it one day at a time.

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im a 16 year old girl who lost her father a year ago. i live with a brother who suffers from bipolar depression his moods switch on to me so im not too sure if im also depressed. my father was my bestfriend and i lost him.. he was everything to me and still will always be. theres this constand pain in my heart and it hurts i feel like im hurting so much the tears still have no problem falling. if i see a father and daughter together i cringe and cry and just strike with sadness and jealous because i lost the one man i could count on forever. he was young and it hurt and it was sudden. i was alone and he had a heart attack i feel sad because i didnt go with him to the hospital he told me to stay behind and i listened. i felt i should have gone, i felt he needed someone to hold his hand he had no one but me and i didnt even stand by his side. i didnt get to say i love you, all i got was the cops back at my door beating around the bush about my fathers death. and to top it all off they told me that there was a chance he’d be alive, then told me he died then he was alive again and then finally announced as dead. why dont you kill my sprite even more.. what should i do? i still feel happy and find i can keep my mind off things but am i depressed?

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I have depression bad, i cant seem to get it together and its ruding my family bad. im angry for no reason and i hate to talk to people i just want to be alone all the time and it hurts, i cry everyday of the week, my husband and i fuss everyday because of it I NEED HELP NOW before i lose my family. how can i find a doctor?

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I find that after a lifetime of chasing FREE ,free dreams ,that life was a big waste of time.My dreams will never and can never come true. I know there is no end to the rainbow. I know there is no pot of gold. The best that can happen to you is die before you get old. I know that everyone on earth is a liar,its nature . After a whole life I know that being happy is something you see on TV and never find anyone who knows it personally. Being alone in a dark place is the most satisfaction I ever get. Death can only be a pleasure the way I see it. Even whe I visited church ,I found too many phony liars who told everyone things were great. Don’t need those people in my life . I only need a true speaking companion who loves a wild exciting life.

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Dear All,
Wanted to share with you all the problem i have…I dont feel happy. I like being sad. I always try to find out things which make me sad. Even when something happy is going on, my mind goes in for things that make me sad. People ask me what happen. My wife always thinks that some thing is always going on in my brain and i dont tell and here is when we pick up a fight. I have no control on such behaviour. I have no reasons why i do it. But its a problem for sure. Can any one help me in this regard.

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I had everything I could want, decent job, great daughter, and a wonderful boyfriend. In just one week I lost them all. 1st my boyfriend breaks up with me. Then I go to court my daughters father gets custody of her I don’t know how. Then I lose my job. I went downhill from there. I was so depressed he her father is still tormenting me I’m gonna go crazy they only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my daughter. I want to die so bad feel like its only way out.

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hi im 19 years old and ive been suffering from depression for over a year now. it i first started feeling bad it felt like an instant i was feeling good the 30 seconds later i felt like a total waste of space. last year i went to a doctor and they put me in the hospital because how i was talking about death and how i thought about killing myself . i veiw myself as having the worst depression out there and i know thats not true . there is people with it alot worse then i have it. but i cant seem to find any comfort in thinking my not alone. it makes me feel even worse because so many people feel the same way i do. iss there no way out of feeling this bad? i wake up every single morning having this overwhelming feeling of sadness i want to just break down and cry other times its before i go to bed and im laying there trying to sleep and i cant . its starting to scare me i started keeping a knife next to my bed it was really messed up i tested what knifes i have in my house that could cut myself incase one day the pain was to much to bare and that scares me. i love my family all my friends moved away out of state so im at home by myself everyday for the last year. last year when i started feeling bad i got on some meds celexa and sum anxity meds xanax vistaril sleeping meds trazidone and risperidone for racing thoughts and lithium . my insureance got turned off after i turned 19 a few months ago and thats when my depression started kicking up again but before i came from nothing just siting at home watching tv after i got on meds and i can control my panic attacks and sadness i got myself a car a job i went back to school i got a gf i started having a life and i thought my depression was over . then rite before my birthday my car broke down then my school droped me from my classes because i missed 5days due to me not having a car and my job let me go so im back in my house doing nothing besides little jobs for people like helping them move. and im taking a few pills but i still feel bad .. i dont wanna say how i get a few of them but at the momment im taking my lithium prozac and seroquel i take the lithium and prozac in the morning and nothing happens i take the seroquel after 6pm and after i take that i feel sooooo much better. i can deal witht the pain but its the few hours from 8am to 6pm wich im worried i could possibly hurt myself. i have plenty of thoughts about killing myself. when i was put in the hospital they was worried because i told them how i would do it if i ever did it and i also said i can think of 1000 diffrent ways to kill myself and if i really wanted to do it i would leave no room to fail. i really have nothing to live for my mom is supporting me i do really nothing to ern my keep i have this fear of stuff that i shouldnt have. sense i was young i was forced to stay with my dad who i didnt like he drank out and thats as far back as i can remeber of panic attacks i dodnt know they were panic attacks untill a year ago. i just called it freaking out.. sense then ive been scared of staying the night over at anyones house. only if its planned if its a last minute thing i would stay. i have a fear of working to hard and passing out worked construction and i hated it and now i think of every job like that now. as u can see i have alot on my mind and no one to talk to thats y i turned to this website . my family does not want to hear me talking about my depression because they dont understand it. my mom says shes felt depressed and i jsut tell her mine is alot worse then ur depression. if u truly know what im going throw u would be more sensitive to me . i made an appointment at the health department and i got 20 more days to wait i made it last month i talked to a person for an hour who talks to me to sit if im fit to start there program and at then end of the meeting she took me to the office and made me an appointment with there doctor . but im scared of how im feeling rite now and between the 20days of waiting what i could do. and i have no one to talk to. i am constantly nervis thinking about everything and how pathetic i am.. if anyone is still reading this if u would like to talk to me please email me at brandonmilam1992@yahoo.com

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I am 16, and I am the peppy up beat girl in my friends. I help however when ever i can.In their eyes I don’t have problems. I never cry,I hold it in I don’t let people help me because I don’t feel like I’m worth the help. I feel like when ever I think I’m doing good, someone always tears me down.I don’t open up. I’m guarded, and I let a guy in, we were together for 9 months. Which for me was long time.Then he stops talking to me,I hear that he’s moving and I’m to afraid to talk to him about it, I try and he doesnt talk to me for 3 weeks.I cried I never left my room I barely ate.I feel like im not worth anyones love because i’ll f*** it up. But nobody wants to love me.I hate myself. I love holloween and dressing up because i dont have to be me anymore. Thats my story.thats it.

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