Since mygrandfather passed away in 2009 have put up a wall to stop the hurt and just did what seem right in my brain but not in my heart. At one point I looked happy but deep down I wasn’t. I would have sex just to feel needed, but then one day a guy cam into my life and put down my wall. then when i told him i was falling for him he said he rather concentrate on his daughter and his career rather to be with me then things went down hill, my mother had a car accident , my grandfather passed away, my parent got divorce, my uncle in and out of the hospital my bilogical father got an heart attack and i’m going threw all this alone. and everyone around me had kids this year and engage. school is going good but i know i could do better. work is okay. my step father whish is the one who raised me and i’m his little girl found out this year he has heart problem. i notice he is going threw depression also. so he now smoke more pot and now do cokaine. he also is dating his brother recent exwife that he could never stand and he is always so negative. when i think of him it feels like he is drowning and pulling me with him because i am the only family member that still talks to him. my bolygical father never wanted and never bother with me so now it feels like i’m fighting for god knows what. me and my mother use to have such a good relationship but now i cant stand her and we constantly fight. i know i’m hurting her but she walks in the house and i cringe. my best friend just recently told me i’m an insecure slut because i slept around with 2 different guys around chrismat time. that made me feel like shit. she says i always point the finger to other and ya she is partly right but i really never ddealth with my bio father not wanting me, getting rape in 2005 and loosing my grandfather in 2009 or the one in 2010. please help me. i hate going to see a cousclor, i feel like i dont open up enough. i feel better writting than being face to face. please help me. i’m at the poit where i do see i need help and i’m pushing away my family and friends.
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